It was the middle of the night when Loki suddenly woke up. He found Steve again sleeping next to him sitting on a chair. Just as before his arms and head were resting on his bed. He sighed. Would it really be so bad to give him a chance? He gently caressed his hair. Steve leaned to the warmth of his hand instinctively. For a moment he stood still wondering. Steve was so different from Tony; he had told him everything and it didn´t seemed to matter to him. He hadn´t looked at him any differently, well; he had but in a good way. He hadn´t even complained when Loki threw up the food he had brought for him. He just shrugged his shoulders and suggested to try again with something lighter when he felt better. Would it really be so bad? He could pretend … no, that wouldn´t be fair. Steve was both young and old at the same time; still struggling to find his place in the new world he had been thrown into. He now remembered catching him looking at him and Tony once; when things were still all right. He had a sort of lost child look in his eyes.
“Steve?” He asked softly hoping he wasn´t completely asleep.
“Mmm?” Steve drowsily opened his eyes and looked up.
“A while ago … was that your first kiss?” He couldn´t help to ask, me felt curious.
Steve blushed instantly. “I … well … umh yes.” Why did he ask him that? “Was it that obvious?” He asked in return concerned.
“Kind of, but I really just was wondering. “Am I your first crush?” He wanted to understand him.
Steve blushed even darker. “No, I …” He looked down visibly upset. “It doesn´t matter.”
“Why?” Loki asked intrigued.
“They are gone.” Steve answered with a heavy heart.
“I´m sorry. I didn´t meant …” Loki started to apologize. It must have happened before he got frozen.
“It doesn´t matter.” Steve shrugged. “I never had the courage to … do something about it. And now I can´t change it. Can´t we talk about anything else?” Steve asked trying to hide the hurt in his voice.
“I´m sorry, I didn´t thought.” Loki tried to apologize again.
“It´s not your fault. You couldn´t knew. I really don´t want to talk about it. Tell me about you and Tony.” Anything to drown down the memories.
“What do you want to know?” Loki asked intrigued.
“I don´t know. Why you love him so much I guess. He´s a complete pain in the ass for me.” Steve gingerly acknowledged.
Loki smirked amused. “You shouldn´t say that. He´s really fond of you, you know?”
“Well, he has a very strange way to show it.” Steve complained wryly.
“That he does.” Loki conceded. “But he respects you.”
“Sure! He´s full of respect. That´s why he put pink dye on my shampoo.” Steve remembered still feeling angry at the whole incident.
Loki couldn´t help to laugh. “Actually, that was me.”
“What?!” Steve spat surprised. “Why?”
“I just thought you would look good in pink.” He teased him.
“Well, I didn’t.” Steve pouted visibly offended.
“But you did, you looked like a cotton candy. Yummy enough to be eaten.” Loki joked without thinking.
Steve blushed again taken by surprise by Loki´s comment. Was he flirting with him? He looked up in hope he was.
Loki noticed his demeanor change and quickly apologized. “I´m sorry. I didn´t meant it that way. I really don´t want to give you any false hopes Steve. It´s just been so long since I had someone I could really talk to.” Looking at Steve´s sulking face he added. “Don´t get me wrong; you are a good man. Maybe … in a different lifetime.”
“But not in this one.” Steve finished his sentence looking grim. “Your heart it´s Tony´s I know. Maybe I should let you rest.” He stood up and walked to the door. Stopping without turning he added. “I´ll be on the next room so don´t get any ideas.” He left without waiting for Loki to answer. He knew it was foolish to hope, but he couldn´t help it. It was just too painful. As he closed the door behind him he turned back with tears on his eyes. He didn´t wanted to go; he just didn´t wanted Loki to see him cry over him anymore. He leaned on the opposite wall in the corridor and slid to the ground sobbing silently.
Loki didn´t needed to see Steve to know what had happened. He felt bad; but maybe it was for the best. Steve was right; his heart belonged to Tony regardless if he loved him or not. He felt miserable and lonely. Tears began to pour out of his eyes but unlike Steve he had no effort to silence his feelings.
It took only a couple of minutes for Steve to overhear Loki´s cries. He sniffled cleaning his nose with his sleeve. What could he do? He couldn´t leave him alone. What did it matter if his heart broke in the process? He had to help him. He stood up decided and walked back into the room.
Loki looked up startled; he hadn´t expected him to come back.
“I´m helping you to get Tony back even if it kills me!” He suddenly spat before cleaning his nose again with his other sleeve.
Loki looked at him too surprised to respond. He could see the tears still tracing Steve´s cheeks. His expression a mix of determination and pain. He opened his arms to him moved beyond words.
Steve doubted for an instant before running into Loki´s embrace. He couldn´t stop crying but he didn´t cared anymore.
Loki cried with him for a while overwhelmed by his gesture before calming down enough to try to comfort Steve who was still crying his heart out.
“Shhh. It´s ok. I´m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Steve it´s ok. Don´t cry. You really don’t have to do it.” What could he tell him? That he would find someone else? If he believed that he would stop hoping for Tony to love him back. He sighed discouraged and warned him in a firm tone. “Stop crying right now or you´ll make me start crying again.”
“No.” Steve protested between sniffling’s. “I´m … trying.” He whined upset.
Loki sighed rubbing his back. “Try taking big breaths.” He knew that feeling; of not being able to stop.
Steve started taking long breaths between sniffling’s until he finally was able to stop. Loki kept hugging him until he did.
When he finally calmed himself down Loki loosen the embrace to look into Steve´s face. He still looked contrite and the fact that his eyes and nose were puffy and red didn´t helped.
“Look at us, we are a mess.” Loki finally acknowledged with a sigh.
Steve just looked at him still feeling miserable. Out of the sudden he asseverated. “I will keep my word.”
“You don’t have to.” Loki responded concerned; he couldn’t imagine doing something harder than what Steve had vowed.
“But I will.” Steve adamantly informed him. “If I can´t make you happy I´ll make sure he does. Even if I have to beat some sense into him.”
Loki looked at him slightly alarmed.
“I´m not going to hurt him.” Steve reassured him. “But he´s really thick headed. He might not want to listen to me; but I have to try. For your sake.”
“What have I done to deserve someone like you?” Loki thought but refrained from saying it out loud. Instead he answered. “I don’t know how to thank you …”
“Don´t thank me. At least not yet.” Steve replied.
“I´m sorry about your hair.” Loki suddenly apologized.
Steve couldn´t help to smile. “Just don’t do it again.”
“All right. No pink. How about blue?” Loki joked, it felt good to see him smile.
“No, unless you plan to paint the whole flag on my head.” Steve joked back. He loved seeing Loki smile.
Loki considered it for an instant. “That would make an interesting look.”
Steve backed down instantly. “I was only joking. Please don´t. I don´t want to look like …”
Loki´s laugh interrupted him. Steve was so naïve.
“You were only teasing me.” Steve realized.
“And you fell for it.” Loki smirked at him.
“I´m too serious for you.” Steve suddenly realized. “Tony would´ve played along.”
Loki frowned at Steve´s comment. Why would he do that to himself? “Stop that right now!” He scolded Steve.
“But he would.” Steve protested.
“I don´t want to hear you being sorry for yourself. I have the monopoly on that subject at the moment and you are not taking it away.” Loki added defiantly.
“But …” Steve started protesting again but Loki´s angry glare made him desist.
“As you wish.” He finally conceded with a sigh. Then he asked. “Why can´t you heal yourself?”
“I don’t have the strength.” Loki confessed. “And the pain killers you gave me aren´t helping either.”
Steve looked guiltily at him.
“They just make it harder to focus. Don´t look so concern. I wouldn´t be able to heal myself even if you hadn´t given me any. And I’m not saying I would want to.”
Steve looked quizzically at him. Did Loki had a change of heart on the subject?
Loki didn´t really hoped Steve to be able to change Tony´s mind about their relationship; but that didn´t stopped him from wishing.